Pleasingly Plump

The cosmetics industry has indentified a new market....men. There's money to be made in male facial cremes, skin toners, moisturizers etc. For me, the only thing that would improve my looks would be a mask. I wear the bags under my eyes proudly, a complete set of luggage I carry with me 24/7.

How about lip plumpers? If it's good enough for women, why not we men? Don't laugh, who'd a thunk earrings would be an acceptable male fashion accessory? For women, lip plumpers pump up the lips so you look like Angelina Jolie. If you don't want Botox, lip plumpers are the way to....plump.

I did some research to find out what they put into this stuff to make the lips swell. I couldn't believe it. Among the chemicals: butane (the stuff they put in cigarette lighters), propane (the same stuff you use to light your gas BBQ), isobutane (a propellant...why would you need a propellant on your lips? What are you supposed to launch?). Butane, propane & launch propellant!?!?...Your lips wouldn't plump up, they'd blow up!

I'll stick with the mask.